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The new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great. However, upon returning to the rectory, he found a note from the Monsignor. It read: 1. Next time, sip rather than gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10. 4. We do not refer to the cross as the big "T". 5. The recommended grace before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah Lord." 6. Do not refer to our savior, Jesus Christ and his apostles as "J.C. and The Boys". 7. David slew Goliath. He did not "kick the shit out of him." 8. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are never referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior, and The Spook". 9. It is always the Virgin Mary, never "Mary with the Cherry". 10. When David got hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey don't say, "he was stoned off his ass." 11. Jesus was consecrated not constipated. 12. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s. There will not be a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s. Submitted by: JokeLoad |
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